I HATE Friday. Ya, I said it.

I hate Fridays.

I know right? "Whats wrong with her?!!!!"
I hate Fridays for the following reason.
The last two Fridays I have spent most of the day with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Bills are Friday. Nates paycheck is Friday. And his last several checks have been messed up, and were not for 40 hours. SO I HATE FRIDAY because Friday is the day where I have to figure out the budget for the rest of the week, have freakout because I am always the one doing this, and pay bills. Or NOT pay bills which is even worse.

I talked to my therapst. Lets call her D. Shhhhh don't try to figure out her real name. So D says that I need to be less on top of things money wise so that Nate is more aware of the pinch that I feel. That I need to stop just taking care of it all. Gread idea D, but I don't know how to let go enough to do that...... She says that part of what I have to get used to is feeling uncomfertable with how I'm doing things. I'm sure that she is right about this one. I mean, the ways that I'm doing things is part of my problem, and to not do them is going to freak me out. I don't want to be freaked out. I don't want this to be hard. I think that I forgot at somepoint that therapy is hard work. OR maybe I just didnt do the hard work when I had therapy before? I feel like there is a chance that that is also a valid option. That maybe I was young when I went to therapy before, and I delt with stuff some by talking about it. But in three weeks D has pointed out that some of the problems that I have are things that were hard wired into my brain in childhood and that its going to take a long time to undo them. Meds don't change that stuff. I wouldnt want them to be the reason that those things are changed.

D helped me see how I'm communicating/not communicating. I think that often I complain. Hahaha, actually, ask Nate. Part of the WAY that I communicate is by making conversation through things that are complaints, or apear that way. How many of us walk around saying things like "Wow today the sun is shining and blah blah blah." Crap, when I put it that way, I realize that maybe a lot of people do. I say things like "we need to figure out what we are going to do about blah blah blah." THESE are the things that come out as complaining. I don't mean them to. I have a hard time with silence.

I'm agrivated. I'm crawling out of my skin on this day that I hate Friday.
I can feel myself over thinking and racing. I want to go home and go to bed. What 27 year old cant get themself figured out? This one.